Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen

Author:Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2014-03-03T14:00:00+00:00

Have Compassion for Them

When someone levels an unfair attack at you or has spent a lifetime withholding approval, compassion is not the first response that comes to mind. And yet empathy can have a profound effect on how we see another person and hear their feedback. When your dad yet again fails to register any appreciation for an accomplishment that means a lot to you, remind yourself what his dad must have been like. Better still, think about your dad as the wounded little boy he must have been, and give that little boy a hug.

Speaking of little boys, when yours gets off the bus crying because a kid called him stupid, don’t tell him he’s not. That’s just asking him to choose between your story and the mean kid’s story. Help him find his own story in which to stand. Help him think through the actual evidence, what might be going on with the other kid, and what is actually true. If he can see for himself that he’s not stupid, then he’ll see that someone else’s saying so doesn’t make it so.

So don’t dismiss others’ views of you, but don’t accept them wholesale either. Their views are input, not imprint.

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